Farking Tired

oh man i'm so farking tired... totally beat... whole body aching... my rotator cuff prob is acting up big time.... cos kei kiang go and do reps of push ups with my gals... have to motivate them to do conditioning so did also... in fact did more than them... and v ups and super man... its really shitty teaching from 9 to 6 where the kids are so notti...

but saw SN today... spoke to him... sooooo cute wearing a purple shirt... i like... hmmm.... bt didnt get his number again... too shy lah... really wana go wakeboarding with him... keke... haha... i kee siao liao...

shld i go wala? feel like a hoegaarden man...

What A Contradicting Place This World Is

hmm... lawdee... guess what? LBB smsed me on tues asking me to meet... so weird... thought he just wanted us to be frens... but was really happy to hear from him and to see him... same feeling i get when i see him... don't what he's got in him to do that to me... shites man... he's making me so confused but i think i'm really quite into him...

but northcott is gorgeous man...well to me la that is... hmmm... but i don't know how to go about it man... haha...

am so fucking tired... been teaching from 9 to 6 every single day... non stop except for a one hour lunch break from 11 to 12... its no joke man... really no other break in between... shouting and screamin non stop... and i go thru the same excercises with my pre team gals as well... shack...have my own personal fan club sia... bunch of kids who jus hug me so tight and hold my hands and jus stick to me like leeches... its a good feeling but can also be annoying... why doesnt their a certain third grade teacher do that to me as well? haha...

shall i go out tonight or stay home? am tired but am so bored... missing him alot...

I Met Him Again and He's Still As Cute As Ever

it's been almost one week and i'm still upset... not a day goes by without me thinking of him... it seems he's a permanent resident in my heart and brain already... and its gona be his bday in like an hour plus or so... i'm missing him like shit... u know i really wana get out of spore... sucky place... haha...

oh man... guess who i saw today? steve northcott... still looks as good as ever... steve-O eh? hmmm... haha... suppose to go wakeboarding together since july... were saying that we would do so after he came abck from toronto... haha.... and his students wanted to matchmake him and me... said we both have tattoos and piercings... crazy little gals... haha...

anyways, am so bored now... suffering from monday blues... heavy duty ones... think i'm gona join rach for some beers... laterz...

My world has ended :(

my world came crashing down on me this mornin... i acted like a stupid childish bitch and single handedly ruined my one chance at happiness.... the wait for three months came to an end... he came back, put me on cloud 9 and within a week sent me tumbling headfirst to the open jaws of hell... i admit what i did was completely irrational and dumb... something that jaclyn lin would never have done... brainless piece of shit that i was...

well we're back to being friends which makes my heart ache like shit... have not felt this way for a long long time... the feeling of wanting someone so much... he's got many issues i guess... but anyway, i shldnt done what i did... esp not for a guy whose face and pride means more to him than anything else... i jus wana live for the moment with him...

there are many what ifs in life... many of which we never have the answer to... life is just one farking unpredictable game... why think and ponder over the future? guess i just wana savour each day and live by it... and just seeing him for a short while or spendin a few hours with him is more than enough for me... no need to meet everyday... but just once in awhile makes me smile and grin like a jackass and keeps me goin... and will always be looking forward to the next time when we meet up again... a simple gal really with simple needs...

The Fight Club

The start of a beautiful union... arthur and linda... attended their dinner at 88 restaurant at harbourfront... linda looked sp pretty on that day...to begin with, she's already pretty but on that day she was stunning... their "march" in song was "just the way u are"... all i have are just memories of that song... empty or not i don't know... looking at my friends getting married gives me mixed feelings... they look happy, blissful... and everything looks so romantic and nice...
make me wana get married too... but on the other hand that's not reality is it? and furthermore who to marry? the 2 people i cld see some future are unavailable... haha... and these2 blokes happened a long time ago...

anyway the rest of us went MW after the dinner and were all set to have a great time... but alas that was not meant to be... a fight broke between the guys... among our own circle u know? that was disgusting... haiz... poor JM... must be feelin like shit man... can die...

oh and cute boy thinks i'm cute too... happy like bird... haha

MACHI MACHI MACHI!!!!!!!!!!

Machi MAchi MACHI!!!!!!! wow, am so impressed... the body baby the body... or the bodies of the guys are are... farking washboards... went with sandy, ser, both EBBs to the euphoria concert... ms wong was like an 16 yr old gal with butterflies in her tummy while waiting for them to appear... wuhaha... so much so that she blew snot on my face... thank god my mouth was closed at that time... haha... the boys were fantastic... wow...

sposed to meet BB but later on he was tired and since i was already out, he thot that i shld stay wth ma frens... on well, another time then... its ok i guess... with my period and a swollen tongue? haha... but i do miss him... that makes me EBB4... haha....

went K box later and hmmm.... NK was like a mad boy last nite... like machiam take drugs or something... haha...ser was so entertained last night... must say i was pretty impressed by EBB1's singing... nevertheless had a great time tho sound like ah gua... can die....

I did it Finally!

so i finally did it... i pierced my farking tongue... it was something that i've always wanted to do since a few years ago but never got the guts to do it though i'm tattooed... was at sentosa with the horny divers yday and skipped work cos of that... i'm so horrible... quite a number of them were there except BB AGAIN!!!!... even heehaw and gary pms were there and not to forget oh yes ah chai... oh the gorgeous one then proceeded to say he wanted to pierce his tongue which he did... and four other dumbasses went along to do the same thing... well didnt flinch when the needle went thru, which was pretty amazing... haha...oh ya, PSF said it wld be nice to sms BB to ask for his opinion... i did as advised, haha... and was duly disappointed... as usual...

anyways went MW with the rest later... and guess what?!?!?!?! i saw Raphael/Rafael... not yang shijun but the other one which i used to think was oh so cute... the one that dam dam knows... still looking as good as ever tho looks like he gained a little weight... i like i like... haha... but other than that it was kinda boring... so much so that san, ser and me sat outside looking like fu lou shou staring and assessing all the guys there were streaming out after the party... well, we were disappointed again... but that's what we expected anyway yeah? no SG no SG!!!!!!!!!! y y y?

anyways NK wanted to send me hme later which i refused and proceeded to run off and get my own cab... he's always asking me abt BB... which is pretty irritating... i have told him to stop but to no avail... y the persistency? everything he talks abt is BB... seems like he's more in love with BB than me... haha...

The Pole and Me

well well well... D Day came and went.... was so last min last nite... naila came over and helped me pick an outfit... i was a bundle of nerves and super grumpy... jus bitching and whining all the way... haha... sand, ser, andrea, PSF, EBB, EBB2 aka NK and yijun were there to give some moral support... all but BB... :( i think i had this super cramp look on my face the entire time while waiting for my turn... san and ser were telling me to relax and all... haha... we were no. 13 and 14... i smsed BB telling him i was nervous and he jus told me to relax and win that fucking thingy... wah lau... more on that later...

some of the gals were not too bad... they had their choreo planned out nicely... and there were some... erm i think also like cannot make it one lor... the gals in the 2nd heats that i saw were the best that i've seen... so our turn happened in the 2nd half and the startin of the song was not the same as the original we had planned the 1st 8 counts for and that threw me off time slightly... but i guess when the music started to get pumping, i just basically tried to block everything out and do my thang... which was crappy i think... i don't know even know where i got the nerve to try and spin ard... spin i did and thank god i didnt fall on my face or something...

and guess what... lil ol me made it tohe finals... hmmm... is that a good thing or a bad one? and farking hell... naila didnt but some gal who can't dance got in...can die.. there were some gals who dressed like they were working in some ktv but didnt have the moves and yet one of them got in... must be the outfit lah... but naila is J Lo leh... cant believe it man... oh well... blind judges...

anyways, we stayed on to party, drink and dance... hmmm... NK is an alrite guy but too touchy... i mean know for 5 days only wana know my hand... i can't lah... not so soon when BB is just constantly on my mind... he's back to fuck my life up... haha... i mean he was like taking every opportunity to touch me... not in a lecherous way lah.. jus wana get close but but i cannot... say i his shancai, he's daoming si and BB is hua ze lei... wah lau can die leh... i dowan leh... where got similar? shancai like daoming si so how can he be daoming si? haha... but he kept asking abt BB the whole night and frankly i was pretty pissed off by it... i told him to stop talking abt BB but yet he still went on and on... wah kaoz, since he like BB so much ask him to be with him lah...

and that BB also another one... was at home watching OC leh... haiz... heart breaking man... asked whether he wld go for the finals... he said see how... i think i'm gona just give up on him liao... its like he can really make my day and ruin it as well... see what i mean when i say he's back to fuck my life up? actually its what he said that day that makes me feel this way... if we were what we used to be, then i'm cool cos it was a like a long term fling and nothing else... so nothing to feel sad or bitter about... but now apparently it seems that he has decided to kind of like be a part of my life... of some sorts that is... so of i get more affected by certain stuff as my mindset of the entire thing has been changed... but now i think i will just ignore what we talked about that nite and the "new arrangement" and just look upon it as what we were used to be... SP/FB... etc... that way i won't feel disappointed or affected anymore... so BB, i give up, you win...

Oh Yeah He's Back!!!!

hmmm.... BB is really back... he smsed me last nite and i went berserk... i cannot believe how i reacted... my hp battery was low so i used NKOTB's hp to check my smses... there was a familiar number with jus a "hi"... then i thot it mite be BB... so i used PSF hp to check... Sandy sensed my excitement and said "lets check together".... she scrolled and BINGO!!!!! it was BB.... i was smiling till u cldnt see my eyes... face turned red.... but next to me NK was like so down... he just clammed up.... so were just smsing and he asked to meet me at usual place after he met his friends... thing was i was goin to meet the same friends as well... so we decided to meet there... all this while NK was like quiet and all... eventually he asked me whether it was Timberlake and he said he knew it from like 3 days ago... i feel so bad... NK is a great guy and am attracted to him in a physical way... but it's just something abt BB that makes me go gaga... i know NK wld prolly be a better choice in terms of everything... stability, attention giving, loving etc... but its the way how BB makes me feel when i see him...

so i went to devils and was there like ten min b4 him... didnt see him arrive till i was alerted by qingshu... well well, the joyful feelin that rose in me cannot be described in simple words...he looked as adorable as before and i jus melted when he smiled at me... he came over and gave me a big hug... more joyous feelings... then he shocked me by kissing me and holding my hand in devils, in front of everyone... then CC said something abt NK and i told him that it's a long story... CC said he got the idea and said that i shld have told him earlier abt BB... but how can u jus say stuff like that? anyway, wonder what the rest were thinking man...

well, we left and talked abt us... hmm... seems like he did develop feelings for me as well... swooning liao... he mentioned that he missed me and all... i told him abt NK and surprise surprise, he didnt ask me to go for it... just laughed and said that i was mean to break NK's heart... well, it seems that we are kinda together in a sense....there is the basic commitment thingy jus that the commitment doesnt lead to marriage... there is some exclusitivity as he said that while he's with me its just gona be me... well lets see how it goes lah... at least it makes me feel better now that we have moved up a level of some sort... he's not the marrying kind but i choose to take this path for now... :)

NK... what to do? smses me like a few times a day... haiz... i know he cares alot... but.....

and i'm like panicking cos the pole dancing thing is like 3 hrs away.... i'm gona be the laughing stock of mdm wong man... HOW?????

CAN DIE!!!!!!

i jus agreed to take part in some bloody pole dancing thingy... and its on tomorrow... i dun know what to wear, what to do... yeah i mean i've always wanted to learn it but must learn before taking part right? i'm gona embarrass myself to the core man... how how how? next time must wear paper bag over my head to mdm wong liaoz... just wanted to help melissa out as she cldnt get pple and all... having done events before, i understand what its like to organize an event and have no participants or at least the required amt... so yeah... i'm so gona stink man... gawd i suck... heeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllpppppppppppppppp!!!!!!!!!!

just got back from bali on sunday and i did have a fantastic time... didnt wana come home... was havin way too much fun... we were sayin that we can set up a gym there since all of us on that trip were coaches apart from roy... roy can beat any of the live band that we witnessed at kutas bars/pubs... gawd, they suck big time... cant sing at all... had a fantastic shopping spree... wuhaha... felt like becky bloomwood... i mean what use did i have for a farking bongo? NONE but i still bought one... haha... becky bloomwood aka shopaholic syndrome... can die...

next... BB is coming home.... happy... but yet confused at the same time.... miss him but...... there's a new kid on the block... and guess what? they're colleagues? CAN DIE right? haiz... nice guy but i'm not a nice gal... they dun call me the superbiatch for nothing... to be frank, i'm very jaded abt relationships as they can be a waste of time... like going thru the entire process for it to end... jus dun have an optimistic view of relationships anymore... besides, i dun want a guy to tie me down... i'm like a bird... i need to fulfil my travelling urges and bugs... yeah sure u can travel with your partner... but sometimes when u go alone or with frens, its different... and i like my life now... with or without BB, its still the same... cos he's hardly in it anyway... so no diff... but i wonder what it wld be like if he's in it... will i be able to give up stuff for him? maybe i might u know... so hard to say... well if he knows abt NKOTB, he will encourage me to go for it... but is that what i really want?...........