My world has ended :(

my world came crashing down on me this mornin... i acted like a stupid childish bitch and single handedly ruined my one chance at happiness.... the wait for three months came to an end... he came back, put me on cloud 9 and within a week sent me tumbling headfirst to the open jaws of hell... i admit what i did was completely irrational and dumb... something that jaclyn lin would never have done... brainless piece of shit that i was...

well we're back to being friends which makes my heart ache like shit... have not felt this way for a long long time... the feeling of wanting someone so much... he's got many issues i guess... but anyway, i shldnt done what i did... esp not for a guy whose face and pride means more to him than anything else... i jus wana live for the moment with him...

there are many what ifs in life... many of which we never have the answer to... life is just one farking unpredictable game... why think and ponder over the future? guess i just wana savour each day and live by it... and just seeing him for a short while or spendin a few hours with him is more than enough for me... no need to meet everyday... but just once in awhile makes me smile and grin like a jackass and keeps me goin... and will always be looking forward to the next time when we meet up again... a simple gal really with simple needs...